I wasn't sure whether to put this thread here or in the critique forum, so please move if I am incorrect.
I have a paragraph I typed up for the beginning of a story, and I'd really like some word and sentence structure advice on it from people more skilled then I am. The sentence is below (from Jessica's POV). Looking for some advice on how to improve this, and maybe point out some ways to make it better.
The paragraph is below...
"Jessica aimlessly stared out the passenger window of the solar, wanting nothing more than this abysmal trip to be over. She never cared much for carriage rides, or the final destinations that they normally entail. Across from her, Elissa sat, with her legs crossed and as usual, hands folded in her lap. Next to her a young, wide eyed soldier sat at guard, facing the prisoner that was directly to Jessica's right. Jessica glanced at the soldier and smiled, in a feeble attempt to calm his nerves. She had no idea what his name was, nor did she really care to learn it."
This is the first time I've ever shared *anything* I've written before, so please be kind :). It's a 1st draft kind of writing (I did not go back and edit it since typing the first time), so hopefully I didn't do TOO bad lol.
Anyways, tell me what you think and how I can improve the structure, what I could possibly add, etc.
Thanks!
Paragraph help and advice
I have a paragraph I typed up for the beginning of a story, and I'd really like some word and sentence structure advice on it from people more skilled then I am. The sentence is below (from Jessica's POV). Looking for some advice on how to improve this, and maybe point out some ways to make it better.
The paragraph is below...
"Jessica aimlessly stared out the passenger window of the solar, wanting nothing more than this abysmal trip to be over. She never cared much for carriage rides, or the final destinations that they normally entail. Across from her, Elissa sat, with her legs crossed and as usual, hands folded in her lap. Next to her a young, wide eyed soldier sat at guard, facing the prisoner that was directly to Jessica's right. Jessica glanced at the soldier and smiled, in a feeble attempt to calm his nerves. She had no idea what his name was, nor did she really care to learn it."
This is the first time I've ever shared *anything* I've written before, so please be kind :). It's a 1st draft kind of writing (I did not go back and edit it since typing the first time), so hopefully I didn't do TOO bad lol.
Anyways, tell me what you think and how I can improve the structure, what I could possibly add, etc.
Thanks!
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